A letter to the conspiracy theorists

We have all come across some conspiracy theories or better still you might be unlucky enough to have that one friend who is full of these theories, eats the theories, lives the theories and preaches the theories. The kind that believes that Jay z is some kind of a devil, that he sold his soul to the devil for his riches and blah blah….well, really, I don`t know the qualifications you need to become a conspiracy theorist but to me they are just con people disguised as educators in a bid to rip off innocent believers. Don’t get me wrong, I am not denying neither supporting some of the allegations they put across. I mean, the level of analysis in those clips is overwhelming and commendable, it`s ignorant, however, not to point out how unreal some of those allegations sound. Well, there are always two sides to the coin which, for the most part, are normally opposite to each other; just like the heads and tails. So this is what I am going to do, write a letter to the conspiracy theorists and let them know how fucked up they sound.
Dear conspiracy theorists,
First, I have every right to scold you for fucking up my musical taste, well, until I realized how untruthful and baseless most of your theories are. You may also have noticed I am a little bit worked up, to the extent that I could blow up your house,but I won`t because I know money is your major problem, the only thing we have in common, and that you are just a hustler disguised as a theorist. I have a few questions for you, starting with why don’t you just STFU and let people do what they do without messing them up. Secondly, why the hell do you think you are some kind of a God where everyone is conspiring against you? Thirdly, you annoy me in all aspects of your arguments but mostly I am appalled by the prophetic mentality that makes you think you can dictate your opinions to the world and win singlehandedly, like some Rambo with bullshit in lieu of bullets. Additionally, what is your motivation? Or is it the ego boost that you get from considering yourself the only objector in a world of sheeple (sheep-people)?
Here is my opinion of you; you have incredible attention to non-existing detail and even more incredible ability to ignore the details that you don’t like. You have obsessive focus and more so, incomplete absence of social skills. Most of you are crazy loners with wild imaginations with only one goal, to fuck up the world.
Well, you may have succeeded in fooling gullible people, forgive me though, I am a natural skeptic despite the fact that everyone around me thinks I trust so fast. You don’t seriously expect me to believe that the world is run by Knights Templar, Illuminati, Free masons, trilateral commissions and the new world order. Wait, do they vote for the various issues like when is the next world war or do they just ask Dan Brown whose turn it is each week? No really, think about it, how I am supposed to believe that the world is run by some invisible elites who have managed to control the world since time immemorial but are incapable of killing “you”, the guy living in a basement or shouts in the street corners?
I hope I am making sense, next time you wake up crazy and convinced with weird thoughts like Bush brought down the world center or that Blue print III is some sort of a rendition meant to glorify the evil, just nip it in the butt and save us the agony.
Yours honestly,
Mr. Brain fuck

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JOE OPUS

Don’t judge me, a least not that much…..but you have the liberty to form opinions, whatever that puts food to your table or makes you sleep a happier human being. Not that it matters to me anyway, I am more of a liberated adult, what people do and why they do whatever they do don’t concern me that much. That doesn’t mean I wouldn’t seat down and listen to people`s insanities though, I find fun in listening and laughing at people`s troubles and self- inflicted stupidities. Please don’t judge me.
Well, today is Saturday the 21st of July, 2013, the time is 15 minutes to 3pm in the afternoon. I woke up clouded in a hangover with a temporal memory loss, a clear indication that last night “happened” to a large extent. It’s a weekend, so my to-do-list has three items on it; fun, fun and fun. Well, I have other things that I do which I don’t include on my list. For instance, I always make sure I fuck up the world every day; that’s the least I can do with every “reformist” and “holier than thou” human beings trying to make the world a better place to live in. I mean, there is a reason why there is good and bad; wait, is there any difference between these two? Or are they restrictions programmed into our heads since the time we are born? Well, don’t start giving me that morality monologue because it doesn’t work, I lost respect for decency for a good cause. Don’t judge me.
I am attracted to epic stuff, art, culture, sculptures and all that stuff. Start your sentence with Julius Caesar or Giovanni Bologna and I will listen despite how desperate your story telling techniques might be. Well, I listen to everything that sounds interesting and has the x factor, from Jazz by Hugh Laurie (the guy for house, who knew this guy could sing?), to classical by Enya to Jay z and the list is endless. I am the type that would defend cults and such, I just think it`s necessary we left people do whatever it is that they find fulfilling or makes their life more meaningful. Don’t judge me just yet, I don’t belong to any cult and I am a strong believer in the existence of a supernatural being who looks after us. Well, that’s a story for another day.
I find relationships disgusting, or at least I used to but of course there is always that one girl that clouds a man`s judgment. I am guilty for falling victim into this but don’t worry, I am under rehabilitation. Normally though, until we meet that one girl, the prerogative for guys like me is always to hit and don’t commit. Don’t judge, I treat women with respect and I also think objectifying women is a vice for the savages. I guess the question here is are you a savage or not? Well, that’s enough for today, its play o`clock over here. Don`t judge.

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