A letter to the conspiracy theorists

We have all come across some conspiracy theories or better still you might be unlucky enough to have that one friend who is full of these theories, eats the theories, lives the theories and preaches the theories. The kind that believes that Jay z is some kind of a devil, that he sold his soul to the devil for his riches and blah blah….well, really, I don`t know the qualifications you need to become a conspiracy theorist but to me they are just con people disguised as educators in a bid to rip off innocent believers. Don’t get me wrong, I am not denying neither supporting some of the allegations they put across. I mean, the level of analysis in those clips is overwhelming and commendable, it`s ignorant, however, not to point out how unreal some of those allegations sound. Well, there are always two sides to the coin which, for the most part, are normally opposite to each other; just like the heads and tails. So this is what I am going to do, write a letter to the conspiracy theorists and let them know how fucked up they sound.
Dear conspiracy theorists,
First, I have every right to scold you for fucking up my musical taste, well, until I realized how untruthful and baseless most of your theories are. You may also have noticed I am a little bit worked up, to the extent that I could blow up your house,but I won`t because I know money is your major problem, the only thing we have in common, and that you are just a hustler disguised as a theorist. I have a few questions for you, starting with why don’t you just STFU and let people do what they do without messing them up. Secondly, why the hell do you think you are some kind of a God where everyone is conspiring against you? Thirdly, you annoy me in all aspects of your arguments but mostly I am appalled by the prophetic mentality that makes you think you can dictate your opinions to the world and win singlehandedly, like some Rambo with bullshit in lieu of bullets. Additionally, what is your motivation? Or is it the ego boost that you get from considering yourself the only objector in a world of sheeple (sheep-people)?
Here is my opinion of you; you have incredible attention to non-existing detail and even more incredible ability to ignore the details that you don’t like. You have obsessive focus and more so, incomplete absence of social skills. Most of you are crazy loners with wild imaginations with only one goal, to fuck up the world.
Well, you may have succeeded in fooling gullible people, forgive me though, I am a natural skeptic despite the fact that everyone around me thinks I trust so fast. You don’t seriously expect me to believe that the world is run by Knights Templar, Illuminati, Free masons, trilateral commissions and the new world order. Wait, do they vote for the various issues like when is the next world war or do they just ask Dan Brown whose turn it is each week? No really, think about it, how I am supposed to believe that the world is run by some invisible elites who have managed to control the world since time immemorial but are incapable of killing “you”, the guy living in a basement or shouts in the street corners?
I hope I am making sense, next time you wake up crazy and convinced with weird thoughts like Bush brought down the world center or that Blue print III is some sort of a rendition meant to glorify the evil, just nip it in the butt and save us the agony.
Yours honestly,
Mr. Brain fuck

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